Dick Flicks

I’m totally hating on Superbad – a movie I haven’t seen.

Hate thesis: WTF, aren’t girls funny?

Everyone, I mean EVERYONE who’s article I’ve read or who’s moviegoing experience I’ve heard—men and women, boys and girls—said that Superbad was super good.

Fuck off. I don’t care.

Seriously, I’m not the audience. You know what else was good? Some “chick flick” that no one ever saw because people called it a chick flick.

Does anyone notice that a movie can have an all-male leading cast and still be considered topical for general audiences? While any film with a predominately-female cast gets the female-audience marketing and press treatment, gender is almost never even mentioned when it comes to man-centric stories. Why is it that women can relate and grasp and laugh and empathize with the stories of men while men get to say “chick flick” and dismiss our stories?

Some stories are genuinely gender-inclusive. But the vast majority of major Hollywood films are about the lives of cool men to which women contribute smaller parts—usually their private parts. Even when the guys are geeks they’re cool enough to be the lead that you'll end up falling in love with. You tend not to fall in love with a girl geek in a movie unless and until she gets a makeover.

I love movies. I fucking love movies. So I definitely love men—directors, writers, and actors—and their stories. But here’s a few fact-ish items:

1) I’m a woman.
2) I’m not lame.
3) I’m pretty sure I’m not the only woman who’s not lame.
4) I don’t actually make movies myself, so I’m no expert, yet somehow I can conceive of the possibility that a general audience could find a story about women entertaining—possibly even humorous and engaging. I know, I know, if I actually worked in the movie business I would understand why that’s simply impossible. I’d have the facts. The lay-people always wanna tell the experts how it’s done.

I’m not saying that boy movies shouldn’t exist, I’m just saying, “dick flick” is just as much of a specialization as “chick flick” and we should all--the critics and the fans--take notice. The culture seems to say “who doesn’t want to spend a couple of hours with a bunch of guys? Isn’t that the spice of everyone's life?” Let’s pull our heads out of our asses. This isn’t 100 years ago or something.

So You Think You Can Fool Me?!

Apparently no one else noticed that Lauren and Neil failed to dance when their time came on "So You Think You Can Dance" this past Wednesday night. Please point out the dancing to me if you can see it, because I can't. Does Wade Robson have some sinister deal with the producers of this show? I suspect serious foul play. This is supposed to be a professional dance competition, not the ham olympics.

Neil and Lauren Week 4

There were a lot of hand gestures, arm flailing, 2-stepping, and overacting, but little to no dancing. PLEASE, tell me if you see even ONE move in this whole piece that Napoleon Dynamite couldn't have executed himself.

I was seriously cringing watching that performance and thinking to myself, "WHAT are the judges going to say about this? There's no dancing!" And then they all just put on their lying faces and pretended not to notice. You KNOW they noticed. Nigel Lythgoe and Mary Murphy seemed to have an especially hard time with their lies.

Lauren and Neil (Lauren especially) seemed genuinely shocked at their positive critiques. Lauren definitely seemed nervous about how the routine would be received. Probably because, as a dancer, she noticed that she wasn't dancing, despite being a contestant in a dance competition.

I call Fraud, Sham, Hoax, Foul Play. Can the S.E.C. look into this? Who's jurisdiction is this? We've been bamboozled and I am not going to take it.

I mean, you have this:

Pasha and Sara Week 4

and then you have that piece of crap above.

Hey, SYTYCD, your fraud is showing. Please tuck it back in.